In this day and age, infidelity includes a range of relationship damaging behaviors that extend beyond extramarital sex.

Acts of betrayal may entail covert spending of the couple's savings, emotional and sexual affairs, or internet and virtual affairs.  Unfortunately the damage runs so deep, that despite genuine attempts to repair the relationship, the couples often splits. 

Initially at the moment infidelity has been uncovered, the idea of regaining trust seems impossible. It’s hard to imagine but many couples not only recover from an affair but actually improve their relationship with the help of a couples therapist. They do this by gaining a deeper understanding of each other, creating agreements and finding ways to nourish their connection. Even if a couple ultimately decides to end the relationship, couples therapy helps them do so in a way that honors the relationship and each other and paves the way for healthier relationships in the future.

REBUILDING TRUST THROUGH MARRIAGE COUNSELING 

Trusting your partner is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. Discovering infidelity can feel devastating to both the individuals and the relationship. Initially, many couples believe there is no recovery from it. Feelings of shock, anger, despair, disbelief, vulnerability, defensiveness, guilt and shame threaten the stability of daily life.

A highly trained and skillful marriage counselor can assist the couple in rebuilding the relationship in which each person can openly and safely communicate truthfully and begin to move beyond  the infidelity-related impasse. Without the help from a marriage therapist, infidelity is the most frequently cited reason marriages end in divorce (Shackelford, Buss, & Benett, 2002).  

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a Systemic Approach that can guide couples from an attachment and love-based perspective. It facilitates a more gentle way of treating infidelity as part of a love-attachment injury between couples.  This allows the marriage and couples counselor to help couples by being able to validate one partner without blaming the other. This method is rooted in systems theory relying on circular causality while moving towards integrative system change by healing attachment wounds. The therapy strives to acknowledge and understand each partner's authentic core feelings (or primary attachment) and repair healthy attachment (Johnson, 2004). 

HOW DOES COUNSELING WORK?

  • The beginning stages of therapy includes building safety and understanding as you work through the crisis phase.  The therapist and the couple will decide the frequency and amount of sessions each of you can commit to so that each partner feels safe in the exploration of what happened.
  • The second stage of therapy the couples listens to how the affair or betrayal has impacted the hurt partner and explore ways of healing the wounds
  • The third stage the couple starts to learn more about yourself and your relationship dynamic and how the infidelity may be connected
  • Last stage the couple discovers new ways of relating to one another